Urges are one of the most challenging parts of recovery. They can arrive without warning — triggered by a place, a feeling, a memory, or sometimes nothing obvious at all. If you’re wondering if coaching could help, know that learning to manage urges is one of the first things we work on together. The good news is that urges are temporary, and with the right tools, you can ride them out without acting on them.
In my coaching sessions, I draw on a range of mindfulness and evidence-based techniques to help clients manage urges in real time. These tools are central to my SMART Recovery–informed approach. Here are some of the most effective ones I use and recommend.
STOPP: A Five-Step Pause
STOPP is a simple cognitive behavioural technique that creates space between a trigger and your response. It stands for:
S — Stop
Pause. Don’t react immediately.
T — Take a breath
One slow, deep breath to ground yourself.
O — Observe
What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What sensations are in my body?
P — Pull back
Get perspective. Is this thought a fact or an interpretation? What would I say to a friend?
P — Practise what works
Choose a response that aligns with your recovery goals.
STOPP works because it interrupts autopilot. Most urge-driven behaviour happens fast and without conscious thought. This technique slows everything down and puts you back in the driver’s seat.
DEADS: A Decision-Making Framework for Urges
DEADS is another practical tool I use in sessions. It helps you think through the consequences of acting on an urge before you do it:
D — Delay
Wait 15–30 minutes. Urges peak and pass.
E — Escape
Remove yourself from the triggering situation if you can.
A — Avoid
Plan ahead to avoid known triggers where possible.
D — Distract
Do something that occupies your mind and body — walk, call someone, cook, garden.
S — Substitute
Replace the addictive behaviour with a healthier alternative that meets the same need.
If you’re curious about how SMART Recovery compares to traditional approaches, these evidence-based frameworks are a good example of the difference in philosophy.
Urge Surfing: Riding the Wave
Urge surfing is a mindfulness technique developed by psychologist Alan Marlatt. The idea is simple: instead of fighting an urge or giving in to it, you observe it like a wave — it rises, peaks, and eventually falls.
How to practise urge surfing: Sit comfortably. Notice where the urge lives in your body. Describe it to yourself without judgement — “There’s a tightness in my chest” or “My hands feel restless.” Breathe into that area. Watch the sensation change. Most urges pass within 15–30 minutes.
The more you practise urge surfing, the more confident you become that urges don’t have to lead to action. They’re just sensations. They pass.
Grounding Techniques: The 5-4-3-2-1 Method
When an urge feels overwhelming, grounding brings you back to the present moment. The 5-4-3-2-1 technique uses your senses:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
This technique works because it redirects your attention away from the urge and into your immediate environment. It’s quick, discreet, and you can do it anywhere.
Morning Affirmations: Starting the Day with Intention
A simple morning routine can set the tone for your entire day. I encourage clients to start with a few minutes of intentional affirmation — not generic positivity, but statements that are personal and meaningful to their recovery:
“I am building a life I don’t need to escape from.”
“I have the tools to handle whatever today brings.”
“My recovery is worth protecting.”
“I choose to be present today.”
Pair these with a few minutes of mindful breathing or a short body scan, and you’ve created a powerful daily anchor for your recovery. Staying intentional day-to-day is also key to staying vigilant against complacency and building a balanced life in recovery.
Putting It All Together
These techniques aren’t meant to be used in isolation. In our sessions, we explore which tools resonate with you and build them into a personalised toolkit you can draw on whenever you need it. To learn more about what working with a recovery coach looks like, take a look at the Sober Companion page. The goal is to move from reacting to urges to responding to them — with awareness, skill, and confidence.
If you’re interested in learning more about active recovery practices, explore the Doing Recovery page. You might also find it helpful to read about understanding relapse as a step towards resilience.
Urges don’t have to control your recovery. With the right tools and support, you can learn to observe them, manage them, and move through them. That’s what we work on together.
If you’d like to explore these techniques in a coaching session, get in touch or book a session.